Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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