he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
