Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
