we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
