THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
