Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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