I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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