you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
