My room smells like vodka and shame
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
