no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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