i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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