So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
