Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just pee around me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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