I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I supernannyed him into submission
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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