At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
