she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
