Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
