I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
