Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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