I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
