You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize