if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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