I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
