what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize