Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
