I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
