No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
