I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
