I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize