How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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