fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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