He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
