U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't make out with my wife yet
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize