I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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