we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize