imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
