Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
