the condom got lost in my hair
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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