I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
