True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
