You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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