just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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