you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
