My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
