I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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