It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
