i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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