So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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