Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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