the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
