It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
