She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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