I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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