I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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