you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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