Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
