She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
