I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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