i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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