i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
