I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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