So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
